Well, did a little bit more messing about today. Unplugged injectors while the car was running, one by one, with no change whatsoever to the sound (that, I'll note, is quiet at startup and present when at operating temperature). But I think that would more or less eliminate the possibility of a bad wrist pin - With no fuel going in it should be unloaded enough to be quiet.
Couldn't find a stethoscope to use, so I just did the halfassed method of putting my ear to a screwdriver. Poked around a whole bunch - And got different results than I was expecting. Intake side of #2/3 where I thought it was coming from was not the loudest source of noise. The most volume I could get was on the TB side of the motor, against the motor mount and head/vc on that side with the motor mount (engine side, not body side) being the most focused. I think lots of that sound, by plain hearing, was travelling up the inside of the intake manifold and up from there, which made it sound like intake side valves.
So..... I guess TB tensioner is the most likely culprit. Travis, you might have nailed it. That said, I've got receipts that came with the car indicating that a timing belt kit, water pump, and tensioner were all put into the car in mid 2013. Given that it sat with Jamie for almost a year and with me for almost a year, I don't think there should be much if any mileage on it. It was a jobber part, not OEM. Perhaps it was installed incorrectly, although it could have failed prematurely.
I did steal my dad's scope today as well, so I'll still scope and compression test each hole as well.